Read Tarot78 Cards, Your Message← Back to Home
📖 Table of Contents

The Lovers and The Hermit: Choosing Solitude

Quick Answer: Yes — but only if you've recently felt torn between wanting connection and needing space to figure yourself out. This combination often appears when a relationship decision is waiting, but you sense that making it too quickly would mean choosing from confusion rather than clarity. If you've been wondering whether the right move is to commit more deeply or step back entirely, The Lovers and The Hermit together suggest the answer isn't one or the other — it's taking genuine time for self-understanding before the choice becomes clear.

At a Glance

Aspect Meaning
Core Theme Integration through solitude, conscious relationship through self-knowledge
Energy Dynamic Complementary tension seeking balance
Love Relationships that require individual inner work, or solitary periods that clarify what you truly want in partnership
Career Collaborative decisions informed by independent reflection, or choosing between teamwork and solo paths
Yes or No Yes, but take time for reflection first

The Core Dynamic

When The Lovers and The Hermit appear together, they create one of tarot's most contemplative dialogues about the relationship between self and other. The Lovers stands at a crossroads, facing a choice that typically involves union—with another person, with a set of values, with a path that requires commitment. The Hermit has already turned away from the crowd, lantern in hand, seeking wisdom through withdrawal and introspection.

This isn't simply "love versus solitude." The combination reveals something more nuanced: the recognition that genuine choice requires self-knowledge, and that authentic connection often emerges from periods of deliberate separation. The Lovers who never pauses to understand themselves makes choices based on projection, fantasy, or conditioning. The Hermit who never emerges from contemplation may achieve wisdom but never tests it against the lived experience of relationship.

"This combination often appears when the choice before you cannot be made until you understand yourself more deeply—or when relationship itself has become the path of inner discovery."

Consider what happens when someone faces a significant relationship decision without adequate self-understanding. They may choose based on what they've been taught to want rather than what they actually want. They may project their unexamined needs onto a partner and call it love. They may flee from intimacy because they haven't done the inner work to tolerate vulnerability. The Lovers without The Hermit's introspection risks becoming a choice made by someone who doesn't yet know themselves.

Now consider the opposite: The Hermit who avoids The Lovers' domain entirely. Solitude can become isolation. Introspection can become avoidance. The wisdom gained in withdrawal means nothing if it's never brought back to relationship with others. Enlightenment that cannot survive contact with another person isn't enlightenment—it's simply hiding.

The tension here is generative rather than destructive. These cards don't cancel each other out; they complete each other. The Lovers needs The Hermit's self-knowledge to make authentic choices. The Hermit needs The Lovers' willingness to engage to give wisdom practical meaning. Together, they suggest a rhythm: periods of connection and periods of withdrawal, each informing and enriching the other.

The key question this combination asks: What do you need to understand about yourself before you can truly choose another—or choose yourself?

When This Combination Commonly Appears

You might see these cards together when:

  • You're facing a relationship decision but feel unclear about what you actually want
  • A recent breakup or period of solitude has you questioning your patterns in love
  • You've realized your relationship choices reflect wounds you haven't yet examined
  • You want connection but sense you need to understand yourself better first
  • You're wondering whether staying alone is wisdom or avoidance

The pattern looks like this: You're not avoiding relationships out of fear, and you're not rushing into them out of loneliness. But something in you knows that the next significant choice — whether to commit, to leave, or to wait — requires a kind of self-knowledge you don't fully have yet. The Lovers says "this matters." The Hermit says "but first, understand why."

This pairing tends to surface during periods of significant relational transition—moments when questions about connection and independence demand examination.

You may encounter The Lovers and The Hermit together when facing a major relationship decision while feeling unclear about what you actually want. Perhaps you're considering commitment, evaluating whether to stay or leave, or choosing between multiple potential partners. The combination suggests that making this choice wisely requires stepping back, creating space for introspection, and examining your own patterns and desires before acting.

This combination frequently appears during periods of intentional solitude that are ultimately about relationship. Someone taking time after a breakup to understand what went wrong, someone choosing celibacy to break destructive patterns, someone withdrawing from dating to examine their own attachment style—these scenarios often carry this energy. The solitude isn't avoidance; it's preparation.

In personal development contexts, The Lovers and The Hermit often mark the recognition that your relationship patterns reflect your self-relationship. Perhaps you've realized you can't have healthy partnerships until you develop a healthier relationship with yourself. Perhaps spiritual or therapeutic work has revealed how your choices in love have been shaped by wounds you're now ready to examine.

The pairing also appears when someone is being called to integrate relationship and spiritual path—when love itself becomes a vehicle for growth, or when solitary practice must open to include intimate connection. For some, this combination signals the end of a false dichotomy between romantic fulfillment and inner development.

Emotionally, this combination often corresponds to a state of contemplative uncertainty. You may be sitting with important questions rather than rushing to answer them. There might be loneliness that doesn't feel empty—solitude that's purposeful even when difficult. Or there might be recognition that being with others has been keeping you from knowing yourself, or that knowing yourself has become an excuse for avoiding others.

Both Upright

When both The Lovers and The Hermit appear upright, the combination expresses its clearest message: conscious integration of connection and solitude, relationship and self-knowledge. This isn't forced choice between them—it's recognition that both are necessary and that you have capacity to honor both.

This configuration suggests a moment where you can bring genuine self-understanding to your choices about relationship, or where relationship itself is becoming a path of deeper self-discovery. You're not fleeing intimacy into isolation, nor drowning yourself in others to avoid self-examination.

Love & Relationships

Single: This combination may indicate that your current period of being unpartnered serves a deeper purpose than simply "not having found someone yet." Perhaps you're using this time to understand your patterns, heal old wounds, or clarify what you genuinely want rather than what you've been conditioned to seek. The Hermit's introspection prepares you for The Lovers' eventual choice—but the preparation is essential, not something to rush through. You might find yourself less interested in casual dating and more drawn to meaningful solitude, not from fear of connection but from understanding that the next relationship deserves a more conscious version of you.

When you do encounter potential partners, bring The Hermit's discernment to The Lovers' attraction. Ask not just "Do I feel drawn to this person?" but "Do I understand why I'm drawn? Does this attraction arise from genuine compatibility or from unexamined patterns?" The combination favors those willing to slow down, to know themselves before committing, and to choose from wisdom rather than impulse.

In a relationship: Existing partnerships may be experiencing a phase where individual inner work is essential to collective thriving. Perhaps one or both partners needs space for reflection—not separation from love, but separation within love, creating room for personal growth that will ultimately enrich the connection. This might manifest as supporting each other's individual pursuits, creating healthy space for solitude within the relationship, or recognizing that some processing must be done alone before it can be shared.

The combination also appears when couples are facing significant choices together and need to ensure each person's authentic voice is heard. Before making a major decision as a unit, each partner may need to withdraw into their own contemplation, understand their own truth, and then bring that self-knowledge back to the conversation. Decisions made this way—from genuine individual clarity combined into shared choice—carry more weight than those made through merger or compromise that bypasses individual truth.

Career & Work

Job seekers: Opportunities may arise that require you to clarify your values before committing. Perhaps you're choosing between positions that represent different versions of who you could become professionally—and making this choice well requires understanding who you actually are and want to be. The combination encourages taking time to reflect rather than accepting the first offer or defaulting to what looks impressive on paper. What does your inner guidance say about your path? What choice aligns not just with your skills but with your developing sense of purpose?

You may also find that periods of professional solitude—freelancing, independent study, sabbatical—are preparing you for more meaningful professional connections. The wisdom gained alone becomes valuable precisely because it can be offered to others.

Employed/Business: Those currently working may be navigating the balance between collaboration and individual contribution. Perhaps you work best when you can alternate between teamwork and solitary focus. Perhaps leadership requires both connecting with your team and withdrawing to make difficult decisions from a place of centered clarity.

For business owners, the combination often speaks to decisions about partnership and growth. Should you bring on partners, or maintain solo control? Should you collaborate on a project, or handle it independently? The Hermit's wisdom suggests that the answer isn't about what's easier or more profitable—it's about what aligns with your authentic vision and values.

Finances

Financial matters under this combination often involve choices that reflect deeper values. The Lovers' energy brings decisions about shared resources, joint accounts, financial entanglement with others. The Hermit asks whether these arrangements serve your authentic path or whether they've been made without adequate self-examination.

You may be evaluating whether financial partnerships—business or personal—align with your developing sense of what matters. Perhaps shared financial structures have served their purpose and you need more independence. Perhaps your solitary financial approach has kept you artificially isolated and it's time to combine resources wisely with others.

The combination suggests taking time to reflect on your relationship with money before making significant financial commitments. What do your financial choices say about your values? Are you making money decisions from genuine clarity or from unexamined assumptions about security, success, or partnership?

What to Do

Create deliberate space for reflection before making significant choices—especially choices involving commitment to others. This might mean journaling about what you truly want, seeking therapy or counseling to understand your patterns, meditating on the decision before you, or simply spending time alone with the question rather than rushing to answer it.

At the same time, don't let reflection become avoidance. The Hermit's withdrawal is meant to generate wisdom that eventually returns to the world. Set a reasonable timeframe for your contemplation, and commit to making a choice once you've done adequate inner work. The goal is informed decision-making, not indefinite postponement.

If you're in a relationship, communicate about your need for individual space and invite your partner to take their own. Then create rituals for bringing your separate reflections back together. The rhythm of apart-and-together can strengthen rather than threaten genuine partnership.

In short, this combination isn't asking for immediate answers about love or solitude. It's asking you to understand yourself well enough that when you do choose, you'll know why.

One Card Reversed

When one card is reversed, the dynamic shifts significantly. The reversed card's energy is blocked, excessive, or expressing its shadow side, creating an imbalance that colors the entire reading.

The Lovers Reversed + The Hermit Upright

Here, The Hermit's solitary wisdom functions clearly, but The Lovers' capacity for choice, connection, or values alignment is compromised. This often manifests as productive solitude that nonetheless cannot translate into relationship, or as withdrawal that has become avoidance of the choices intimacy requires.

You may have achieved significant self-understanding through introspection—you know your patterns, you understand your wounds, you've gained genuine wisdom—but somehow this knowledge doesn't help you actually connect with others. The Lovers reversed suggests that the choosing faculty itself is impaired: perhaps you can't commit, can't decide, or can't align your behavior with your values when another person enters the picture. Your solitary clarity dissolves into confusion when you're no longer alone.

Alternatively, this configuration can indicate that you've convinced yourself you're doing important inner work when actually you're hiding from relationship. The Hermit's lantern illuminates everything except the fact that your withdrawal has become avoidance. Disharmony in the realm of The Lovers—indecision, values conflicts, failed connections—might be the very thing you're using solitude to escape rather than understand.

The Lovers Upright + The Hermit Reversed

In this configuration, the capacity for connection and choice is strong, but The Hermit's introspective wisdom is blocked or distorted. This often looks like choosing without adequate self-reflection, committing to people or paths before understanding why you're drawn to them, or being so focused on relationship that you've lost contact with yourself.

You may be making significant choices—about partners, about commitments, about values—without the inner clarity needed to make them wisely. The Lovers upright provides the energy of choice and attraction, but without The Hermit's discernment, those choices may reflect projection, conditioning, or desperation rather than genuine compatibility.

The Hermit reversed can also indicate isolation masquerading as solitude—withdrawal that produces no wisdom, loneliness that's simply loneliness rather than purposeful retreat. When paired with The Lovers upright, this might manifest as someone who intellectually understands relationship but has become emotionally unavailable, or someone whose supposed independence is actually fear of intimacy wearing philosophical clothing.

Love & Relationships

With The Lovers reversed, your solitary wisdom may not be translating into better relationship outcomes. Perhaps you've done years of therapy, read countless books about attachment, and achieved real insight—but you still can't commit, still choose unavailable partners, or still sabotage good connections. The blockage isn't in understanding but in the actual choosing. Work on the gap between knowing and doing, between insight and action.

With The Hermit reversed, you may be throwing yourself into relationships without adequate self-reflection. Perhaps you can't tolerate being alone, or perhaps you've defined yourself so completely through partnership that you've lost contact with who you are individually. The invitation is to create space for solitude—not abandoning relationship, but ensuring you can still find yourself within it.

Career & Work

With The Lovers reversed, career solitude may be productive but you're unable to translate individual insight into collaborative success. Perhaps you work brilliantly alone but struggle with partnership, teamwork, or decisions that require committing to shared paths. The independent wisdom is real but isolated.

With The Hermit reversed, you may be making professional commitments without adequate reflection. Perhaps you've said yes to partnerships, projects, or positions before really understanding whether they align with your authentic direction. Or perhaps you're so focused on professional relationships that you've lost contact with your individual purpose.

What to Do

If The Lovers is reversed: The work involves bringing your solitary wisdom into relationship, translating insight into action. This might mean working with a therapist specifically on attachment and commitment issues, practicing making small choices that honor your values, or deliberately entering situations where you must choose rather than remaining perpetually open. Your inner work is valuable, but it must eventually be tested against the reality of connection.

If The Hermit is reversed: The work involves creating deliberate space for self-reflection within or alongside your relational life. This might mean scheduling regular alone time, starting a journaling practice, beginning meditation, or working with a counselor on developing your capacity for independent selfhood. The goal isn't abandoning connection but ensuring connection doesn't become self-abandonment.

Both Reversed

When both The Lovers and The Hermit appear reversed, the combination expresses its most challenging form: neither genuine connection nor productive solitude is functioning well. You may be simultaneously unable to commit to others AND unable to be meaningfully alone with yourself.

This configuration often appears during periods of profound confusion about identity and relationship. You might oscillate between desperate attachment and defensive isolation, never settling into either healthy connection or wise solitude. The capacity for choice (Lovers) is impaired, and the capacity for self-understanding (Hermit) is blocked, leaving you reactive rather than responsive, confused rather than clear.

"When both cards reverse, you may find yourself neither truly with others nor truly with yourself—present but not connected, alone but not reflective."

The shadow expression of this combination includes: relationships that provide neither genuine intimacy nor space for growth, solitude that produces no insight, choices made from desperation rather than clarity, and a fundamental disconnection from both others and self.

Love & Relationships

Romantic situations may feel particularly stuck. If single, you might simultaneously fear being alone and fear being with someone—neither solitude nor relationship feels safe or generative. Dating might feel compulsive rather than hopeful, while being alone feels empty rather than restorative. The capacity to choose a partner wisely is impaired because you don't know yourself well enough to know what you want, and your solitary time produces anxiety rather than clarity.

If partnered, the relationship may provide neither genuine connection nor adequate space for individual growth. You might feel lonely within the partnership while also fearing losing it. There may be a quality of going through the motions—performing relationship without presence, performing solitude without reflection. Neither partner may feel truly known by the other, yet neither is doing the inner work that would enable deeper intimacy.

Career & Work

Professional life may feel directionless under both reversals. You might struggle with both collaborative work and independent work, unable to partner effectively but also unable to sustain productive solitary effort. Career decisions feel impossible because you don't know what you want, and reflection doesn't seem to help clarify.

There might be a quality of professional drift—moving from situation to situation without genuine commitment, without the self-knowledge that would help you choose a path. Neither teamwork nor solo ventures feel right because neither the choosing function nor the self-understanding function is operating properly.

Finances

Financial matters may suffer from impaired decision-making combined with lack of clear self-understanding. You might make financial commitments—to partners, to investments, to expenditures—without really understanding why, then regret them without learning from the regret. Financial arrangements with others may be unsatisfying while solo financial management feels overwhelming.

This is not a time for major financial decisions if they can be avoided. Neither your capacity for commitment nor your capacity for self-reflection is functioning well enough to support significant choices. Focus on stability and simplicity while working on restoring both energies.

What to Do

Both reversals indicate the need for foundational work before external circumstances can shift. Start by creating basic conditions for both connection and solitude—not grand commitments or deep retreats, but simple, regular practices.

For restoring The Hermit's energy: start a five-minute daily journaling practice. Walk alone without devices. Sit quietly and ask yourself simple questions: "How do I feel right now? What do I want today?" Don't expect profound insight; just build capacity for self-contact.

For restoring The Lovers' energy: practice making small, deliberate choices and honoring them. Decide what to eat and commit to it. Choose how to spend an hour and follow through. Express a preference to another person and hold it. The capacity for significant choice builds from countless smaller commitments.

Consider professional support—therapy, coaching, or spiritual direction—as both energies being blocked suggests patterns that may be difficult to shift alone. Be patient. The path back to both healthy connection and productive solitude is usually gradual.

Yes or No Reading

Configuration Answer Reason
Both Upright Yes, after reflection Take time for inner clarity, then choose from wisdom
One Reversed Conditional Either connection or self-understanding is blocked—address that first
Both Reversed Not yet Neither choosing nor self-reflection is functioning well; foundational work needed

This combination generally encourages a pause before action. Even with both cards upright, the answer tends toward "yes, but don't rush"—honoring The Hermit's counsel to seek understanding before The Lovers' choice is made.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does The Lovers and The Hermit mean in a love reading?

In love readings, this combination typically points to the relationship between self-knowledge and relationship capacity. For singles, it often indicates that meaningful partnership will follow meaningful self-understanding—that the work you do alone prepares you for connection. This isn't about "working on yourself until you're perfect" (an impossible and avoidant standard) but about developing enough self-awareness to choose partners consciously and show up authentically.

For those in relationships, this pairing suggests that individual inner work supports collective thriving. Perhaps both partners need space for reflection and growth as individuals in order to meet each other more fully. Perhaps a question facing the couple requires each person to consult their own wisdom before deciding together. The combination honors both the "we" and the individual "I's" that compose it.

The deeper message is that genuine intimacy requires knowing yourself. You cannot truly be known by another if you don't know yourself. And the attempt to know yourself through another—making them responsible for your self-understanding—ultimately fails both people.

Is The Lovers and The Hermit a positive combination?

This combination carries contemplative, integrative energy that most people experience as ultimately positive, though it may require patience and discipline. It's "positive" not in the sense of easy or immediately gratifying, but in the sense of pointing toward genuine growth and authentic relationship.

The combination challenges instant gratification and impulsive connection, which can feel frustrating if you want things to move quickly. It asks you to slow down, turn inward, and ensure you understand yourself before making significant choices about others. For those willing to do this work, the results tend to be relationships that are more conscious, more authentic, and more sustainable than those entered hastily.

What makes this combination challenging for some is its insistence on solitude as part of the path to connection. If you've learned to fear being alone, or if you've used spirituality and self-reflection to avoid intimacy, the combination confronts those patterns. It asks for balance between connection and solitude, not avoidance of either.

Does this combination mean I should be alone?

Not necessarily. The Hermit's presence doesn't mean solitude is the answer—it means self-understanding is essential. For some people in some situations, this might involve a period of deliberate aloneness. For others, it might mean creating space for reflection within relationship, or approaching dating with more introspection than before.

The combination asks you to examine your relationship with both solitude and connection. If you've been avoiding being alone, it may indeed be calling you toward deliberate solitary time. But if you've been using solitude to avoid the challenges of intimacy, it may be calling you toward relationship—bringing your hard-won self-knowledge into actual contact with others.

The question isn't "solitude or connection?" but "how can self-understanding and relationship inform and enrich each other?" For most people, the answer involves both—periods of withdrawal and periods of engagement, inner work and outer practice, the wisdom gained alone tested against the reality of being with others.

The Lovers with other cards:

The Hermit with other cards:

Disclaimer: Tarot is a tool for self-reflection and personal insight. It does not predict the future or replace professional advice.